em0tera blogs

Too Late To Apologize

2008-08-02T23:03:00.003+08:00

THE EX via friendster comments.

We've been here too many times before, dont you think it's time to move on?

I know after all these years and after I have loved the two that came after.. I can't deny I kept this feelings for you. But I'm letting go now. I've heard that word million times before and I've kept forgiving, I kept letting you in. Then we'd go back from the start, hurt each other again. It has come to a full circle, dear. I'm sorry to say it has to end now. Maybe this time we can't even be friends, not now. It's better this way. I know we've been searching for closure for how many times already, it can't seem to work that way.. cant seem to find it.

We've been playing the game for like forever. I've stop the chase, can you do the same?

It's a Bum's Life

2008-07-30T16:24:00.005+08:00

Being a bum doesn't always means boredom. It's also having tons of time for your wonderful self and making the most of your me time.

For the past few days I've been staying home I can say I'm getting in touch again with my inner self. Thinking through, I realize a lot of things.. my priorities, my life, what i want and what i "need" to achieve.

And what I want? is a life!

I don't wanna bum around no more, wasting my day surfing the net or sleeping. Hmmmmmm OK! I know I still do that but at least inch by inch Im taking the bad habit away. I now clean the house, do the dishes, cook meals(though sometimes it doesn't taste the way it should taste lol) and do the grocery stuffs. It's still fun, at least I get around see people rather than slacking off in my room all day, thinking why in the world am I still single?! Haha xP. Seriously, I'm hearing wake up calls right now. And it's time to put LOVE on the backseat for a while. My priority now is a good career, so instead of thinking about those cardiac arrest inducing thingies, I'll just sit, read my books and step by step prepare myself for the board exams.

What more fun can a bum like me get? Well.. as I said before, a lot of ME TIME! Meaning I can now adhere to my prettyfing rituals without having to be bothered by homeworks or whatever. I can watch Gossip Girl online until the wee hours, I can finally finish the Twilight series I've been reading since January, I now have time to decorate the house and.... I can take pictures of myself goofing around like this..

that's a cute towel wrap trick I learned from Cindy

Haha ;D And as these bummer days past, and as I learn something new in me.. I've come to love myself more.

Carpe Diem!

"When im by myself, I CAN BE MYSELF, which is wat i want to be. NOT JUST A PART of someone else." Jean Culligan

Shutanametz

2008-07-27T23:35:00.003+08:00

That's what happens when I get drunk too much. LOL Nakakaawa ba yung itsura?

It was my friend, Ding's birthday yesterday and ayun we went at their house in quezon, N.E.. Ate, got drunk and had fun. Unfortunately they had too much fun biting on my poor little arms and that's how it looked the morning after. Aggh masokista ba? I was too numb to feel it last night but now, you don't know how awful it feels.. xP Problema ko pa tuloy isusuot ko bukas, I don't wanna attract attention naman noh, baka isipin nila inaabuso ako na kung sino haha. Whattever!! Gaano ba katagal bago to mawala?

Brace Yourselves

2008-07-24T20:54:00.010+08:00

Went back to the dentist yesterday. Got the six brackets up tapos he let me go at bumalik na lang daw ako tomorrow, something came up and he had to go.

But I decided not to go home yet and paid a visit at our other house in town. Nanay (my lola), was there watching the tellie, while my other relatives were busy preparing food. Turned out darating pala ang tita ko that day from New York. And since I don't have anything to do I decided to come and welcome her at the airport.

Wala akong pinsan na ka-age ko, or malapit sa age ko kaya ayan puro bata kasama ko. Meron dati, but he passed away when we were 15 or 16 (vehicular accident). Yung sinundo namin was her mom. Hindi na ako nakapag-picture nung dumating si Tita, nag-empty na kase battery ko.

At siyempre maraming pasalubong, but mostly clothes and moolah (got 30$) walang chocolates. Buti naman kase diet ako. Kung meron hindi na naman ako makakapagpigil, hahah.

So much for that, back to the braces. I went back again at the clinic this afternoon and here's how it looks on me. CLICK ME!

Taas pa lang yan. Yung nasa baba brackets pa lang. Chose the pink rubber hihi :D

My dentist pulled one "excess" tooth from the bottom part and it's still bleeding scantily right now. Call me crazy but the blood taste is kinda addicting haha. It's actually my 2nd time na mabunutan ng ngipin by a dentist, the first time was... I can't remember when na, bata pa ako nun. Kung alam lang ni doc masyado na kabog ng dibdib ko when he was injecting the anesthesia. xP

I'll be back on Monday for the bottom part, and hopefully everything will be as good as it should be. Wag sana masakit. Well I'm used to pain anyways.. Haha emote na naman :P

At Zaragosa

2008-07-22T22:07:00.007+08:00

I went to Zaragosa yesterday (my mom's hometown) for an oral check up. Magpapabrace kase ako. An hour ride from my home ang dentist ko, bongga noh? Siya din kase yung dentist ng ibang cousins ko, kaya we've thought maybe I could have a discount kung dun.

At buti na lang talaga dun ako magpapabrace. Grabe ang gwapo ng dentist ko xP. Kung pwede nga lang everyday ako magpacheck up haha. Naalala ko naman tuloy si ex, na isa ring dentist pero mas gwapo si doc ko ngayon XD. Medyo bata pa naman din siya, siguro nasa late 20s pa lang. Anyway hindi pa naikabit yung braces kase wala pa daw siya brackets, kaya ayun sinukatan muna ako.

After that pumunta na lang ako sa house ng mga pinsan ko. Kaaliw itow, watch her sobrang bibo.

Total Performance from Kuting on Vimeo.

Her name is Aila, 5 years old.

I remember when I was about her age, grabe hindi ako ganyan super mahiyain ako talaga. Naka 5 videos nga yata ako sa kanya iba-ibang songs, hindi nauubusan ng energy, haha. Cute niya noh? Pwedeng artista hehe :D

Hmm balik siguro ako by tomorrow daw, pero until now hindi pa ako tinetext kung meron na brackets. Gusto ko ng maikabit eh at baka magbago pa isip ko. Sabi nila masakit eh. Awww >.<

Blair Bands

2008-07-21T00:54:00.004+08:00

“ Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the common place, the slaves of the ordinary." - Sir Cecil Beaton

Rein and I is now getting into the blair band (a.k.a. the oh-so big ribbon headband) craze. Does it look good on us? haha
We're not really sure if we could pull this kind of "fashion" off, but we bought it anyways. I don't think it would hurt to try. Besides, it's too cute to ignore diba?

To see more of our camwhoring moments, click here .
Please excuse the super pa-cuteness haha :D

It's a Beautiful Rainy Day

2008-07-19T20:11:00.009+08:00

I love it when it rains. Wag lang yung babaha. I just want that refreshing cool feeling after it pours.

And with that, I enjoyed a cup of hot chocolate with some butter cookies to munch on. It's my version of karen's starbucks and silvana combo. Mine's a cheaper version though haha :D (Special mention ka na naman :P )

So I Sing... "Raindrops keep fallin' on my head.
But that doesn't mean
my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free, nothin's worryin' me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me" Hahahah xP

Sir Aaron and All the Men Like Him

2008-07-19T16:24:00.003+08:00

Here's another IM conversation I had with my former clinical instructor who's now in Dubai.

Currently he's claiming that he's falling for me. Siyempre alam ko naman kung bakit, etong ganda kong to? Haha just kidding.

A BRIEF INTRODUCTION.

Sir Aaron was my clinical instructor way back my 3rd year college (2 years ago). He's 5 years older, but miraculously looking 3 years younger than his age. He's not that gwapo though.

That time palang nagpaparamadam na siya sakin, even with the knowledge na meron akong bf nun. So what happened is muntik na siyang masapak ni then bf because he keeps on texting me with all that ~~"flirting"~~ stuff. Siyempre ang buhok ko nun abot hanggang EDSA, haha. The truth is, talagang sinadya kong i-entertain yung mga text messages niya before, because I want my then bf to be jealous. Haha! (I'm such a bitch! LOL) So yeah, after that wala na. After a few months he flew to Dubai and I had no contact whatsoever with him again.

Until one cold day when I was in Baguio, ayun nagparamdam. He still got my number, I never changed it kase since then.

THE CONVERSATION.

"I admit..I was like that, but, if only someone could return who i was..dahil lang naman sa isang girl kaya ako nagkaganito"

Base na rin sa mga nakakasalamuhang tao.. Men do really fool around for a reason. Mas emotionally unstable yata talaga ang mga boys, mas mahirap mag move on kapag talagang nagmahal sila. Why? because they keep it inside. Inom lang tapos tulog. Us girls? we cry, we make our life miserable, we talk to people, we do crazy stuffs. Sila (not necessarily all) bigla na lang akala mo ok na, nakamove on na kase may ibang babae na, pero hindi naman talaga. They just use all these girls para masabing ok sila. Pero in every girl they meet, hinahanap pa rin nila yung taong minahal nila sa kanila. Tsk! Tsk!

Alam niyo kung ano yung mas mahirap? Being in the position ng nagmamahal ng ganitong klase ng lalake.

"It's not because I like you.. it's because when I look at you, there's something in you."

"sana nakikita rin ng iba yung nakikita mo"

At siyempre emote na naman ako. Iniisip ko nga kung nahalata niyang I'm bleeding for someone else dahil sa reply ko na yun. Toto naman kase eh. Bakit ganun kung sino yung gusto mo, hindi niya makita yung something special na nakikita ng taong hindi mo naman gusto sayo? Napakaunfair ng buhay pag-ibig. Bakit ba ang hirap hanapin ng taong mamahalin mo at mamahalin ka? Paksiyet.

Siguro talagang ganun IT will come when we least expect it. The hardest part is when you try not to wait pero naghihintay ka pa rin naman talaga.

Aggh this has become another emoish love post. I'm hating it!

Living It Up

2008-07-19T00:14:00.003+08:00

I'm tired of the drama. After some time tumimo na rin sa isipan ko yung sinabi ni Karen - habang buhay na lang bang magiging malungkot?. Siyempre hindi. Siguro kinailangan ko lang talagang maging malungkot for a while to be able to smile and be happy again.

Ok na yung ilang araw kong inilungkot for someone who doesn't even care whatever the hell happens to me. He's still here though, dito sa aking pusong basag (LOL) pero I won't let the idea of him not giving a damn, ruin my succeeding beautiful days.

We always have a choice. And today I am choosing to be happy. :) That's what I always remind myself. t'works!

*and Im loving my new layout, I'm getting into this digital scrapping thingie.. so fetch! ;)

Why Do I Keep Hitting Myself With A Hammer?

2008-07-15T18:01:00.004+08:00

"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."

After 6 days of waiting, eto yun makukuha ko. Mind you! This conversation is made through the effort of ME thinking wheter I should buzz on him or not when I saw him OL. It took me 5 minutes to do that and he'd slap me with this? F*ck!

Oo na. Ngiti pa rin. Ganun naman dapat. I am so in love with the PAIN! It's a gaaahd damn fetish!

How much of human life is LOST in waiting?

2008-07-14T21:00:00.005+08:00

When I was in preschool, counting from 1 to 100 has been an easy-peasy for me. Never had I remember having a difficulty counting, although I must admit I'm a bit mathematically challenged. :P

I never expected time would come It'd be hard for me counting 1-6 and so..

Every single day I count. And every single count I am able to make, shattered my heart into pieces.

It's the 6th day today. No calls, no text, no anything.
And no, I can't keep on waiting forever. (ala New Moon)
I know, but until today I'm counting.
Hoping to subtract one day at a time the days until I see his smile again...

"How much of human life is LOST in waiting?"

Let's start smiling.. like we mean it.
the Hancock smile. LOL

Never Mess With Kath

2008-07-14T14:25:00.007+08:00

Yesterday was a jam packed full of happenings - good, bad, and worst happenings. I took the effort of waking up earlier than usual to go to a wake of a college friend's lolo. The good part, It has became sorta reunion for me and some of my college friends. Nakakamiss talaga. And it's nice to hear they've gone a few steps after the graduation, samantalang ako eto pa rin. Haha. Yung iba sa kanila nagvovolunteer nurses na on some of the local hospitals here. Gusto ko rin yun, kaso naman I still have to prepare for the board examination. Hmm so I think it can wait, makakahabol din ako.

Fastforwad to 7pm. We set up an inuman session for my friends 21st birthday at another friends residence in Sta. Rosa, N.E.. It was all fine until everybody got drunk including me. And so there goes the saying "dont mess with kath". A guy whom I barely knew texted me. Foul words. I couldn't even type it in, kase sobrang kabastusan.

Madali naman ako pakisamahang tao eh. Kahit pa hindi tayo masyado magkakilala I can be really friendly. Pero wag na wag NA WAG mo lang akong babastusin ng ganun. Dahil kahit gaano ako kabait, kahit sino ka pa hindi kita sasantohin. Mayabang ang dating pero pinapangalagaan ko lang ang pagkababae ko. Sorry to say mali ka ng napiling bastusin.

I went up to the guy. And I slapped him! I did. Infront of so many people. Hindi nga malakas eh haha the funny part is I didn't really wanna hurt him physically but I knew I've hurt his ego. And I'm fine with it. Felt good for a while, considering he's a fraternity member and I slapped him, and he can't do anything but stare and deny the whole thing (siyempre hindi naman ako papatulan at babae ako haha) pero after nun... naGUILTY naman ako. I know he deserves it, kaso lang kase I'm really not the type who would want to cause any trouble. I just wanted to defend myself. But what happened next got out of my hand. Alam kong labas na ako dun, pero nung nagsimulang magkagulo, alam kong yung actions ko ang nagtrigger nun.

We didn't know what really happened because we went out for a walk. When we came back, alaala ng mga basag na bote na lang ang natira. Consolation na lang that nobody got hurt. :)

Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat isipin. I think this whole alchohol drinking thing is getting me into a state I dont wanna be. People are starting to stereotype my identity just because I drink. Just becasue most often I drink with boys, although friends, but still boys. I don't want that people think na ganun lang akong klaseng babae - pakawala, because I'm not.

Maybe it's time for a change, I wanna reclaim my dignity.
No alchohols for a while.
I'm getting a life! LOL

Aya's 18th Birthday

2008-07-13T00:05:00.011+08:00

I love the way this photo has been hockneyized. His face seemingly missing and me, or i mean half of my face, in the distant wherever. Nice! Very artistic! Haha :D

Original version of the photo here. The fat and ugly me.
Hate it! Magpapapayat na talaga ako.

So the story goes...

Pumunta kami sa Debut ng friend ni Gian na si Aya Estanislao, or whoever she is. Don't really know her, I just agreed to be dragged along in there because I like the idea of a buffet dinner. Haha Kapal ng mukha! Gian was one of the 18 Roses BTW.

I went there, a formal event, wearing my trusty slim bronze havaianas.

Ako: Sabi ko sayo magtsitsinelas talaga ako eh.

Gian: Ayos yan, madami naman kayong nakatsinelas eh.

Ako: At least yung sa kanila hindi tsinelas na AS IN tsinelas!

Gian: Haha!

Ako: Sa bagay kahit tsinelas yan, havaianas naman yan. Baka nga mas mahal pa 'to sa mga suot nila eh. LOL

At around past 8,

Gian: Nagsasalita na yung tiyan ko.

Ako: Sakin nga nagmumura na eh.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan isama pa ako dun. Pero ok lang wala naman kase akong ginagawa. Siyempre masarap ang buhay ko kuno. Buhay tambay. Hayyy...

The least I can do for her, as a token of gratitude for the sumptuous meal is mentioning her in my title.

and that was the highlight of my day. How boring!

*Gian is a friend, kababata (for the benefit of the doubt)

P.S.

Im wishing my long time friend (for 16 years), Maria Leonarda V. Alla a happy happy 21st birthday! I'll see you later. Shot na yan! :)

Nalulunod Ako.

2008-07-12T16:36:00.004+08:00

You scribble wonderful letters. Poetic prowess in your spirit. I can feel a persona so great and magnetic. Romance is not the way, but if you follow your heart you may have it. Your smile has some meaning masquerade little melancholic. Forgive me if I am wrong. See the world with your ears when you listen through your eyes hopeless you will find happiness abound around your sides. Joy is in, shut your eyes but not your mind, feel the breeze soft wind is singing slowly open your mind and see with your eyes, HEY! STOP DREAMING GET BACK TO REALITY! hihihi, Smile Kath Smile...

Someone named Victorino, sent this to me on friendster. I have no idea why he did. He's not even a friendster friend. But he caught me with some of the lines. It hit me. Ganun ba ako ka-obvious?? Haha :D

(Strangers keep sending me smiles, damn! it's all good. Pero isang ngiti lang gusto ko. Yun lang. It's been 4 f*cking days..)

Bagong Dahon = New Leaf

2008-07-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

My so-fetch.net has been hacked, and somehow I don't have any plans on fixing it again... yet. Hmmm...

Sorry sa mga hostees ko, I wasn't able to even say goodbye or thank you or whatever. I just left and kept everyone hanging. I know I've told everyone I'd be back pero siguro the whole wordpress whatevers are starting to get into me so much. I'm quitting it.

Yeah I'm a blogspot blogger again. Not much of a hassle and it's free! Haha :D
Nagkukuripot lang pala hano? But I'll always miss my so-fetch home. Buti na lang before It was hacked I got to back up my old entries. Sana lang yung mga hostees ko din. Sigh.

This blog will probably mark another new beginning in me. Another reason why I decided to left the domain world is because It felt like it's not suited for me anymore. Ewan ko pero since I got back from Baguio, para bang pakiramdam ko ang dami ng nagbago sa akin. I just felt a whole lot different. Isa na dun siguro yung the thing that I don't wanna hide from the world anymore. Naka-connect na ako. Swak!

And I'm writing again. Writing my life and sharing it to everyone. Hindi na lang sa mga OL friends, I think for the first time I'm letting everyone in now.. into my deeper thoughts. Kahit sa mga taong takot akong ipakita kung anong nasasaloob ko. Ok lang na batuhin niyo na ako ng bulok na kamatis or whatever. This is me. Hindi ko na mababago yun eh.

Ow?!
Ay naku.
Emotera talaga!